Let the rain fall, I don't care.

Bleugh!!!

So I've been sitting here meaning to write a blog. I've started typing only to delete several times now, which is frustrating as I don't have time to be wasting - generally speaking. So now I have to run to class... well after I shower and take the kids to Megan's... and I don't feel better like I thought a good 72 w.p.m. typing session would do me. I don't really know what will make me feel better, except for time, and that's out of the question because all of my patience is spent on so many other aspects of my life... for parts of my life I just want immediate gratification. I know, selfish and impossible, but I don't remember saying that I was going to be rational or reasonable in this blog, did I? No. Good. :)

Sometimes it seems as though a good long rant about nothing, everything, something, anything... would help to clear my head and maybe bring about a sense of relief or clarity. But probably not. Not for me atleast. Most of you know I can talk circles around you... just imagine for a second all the circles I talk around myself. lol.

Alright, so here's what I've done. I ended up typing again... a whole new speal... that makes three now. lol. But instead of deleting this one I've copied and pasted it elsewhere and just may post it should I still feel the need later. INSTEAD... here my mood swing... lmao...
Life is just fine. Sure, it could be better. But then again, it could get much worse. So I am going to be grateful... for my health, for my healthy children whom I don't have to beat in order for them to be amazingly wonderful because God gifted them to me like that naturally. I am going to be thankful for the headache I have after hours of homework because it means I'm smart enough and blessed enough to have the oppurtunity for an education in which to be able to provide for my kids better. I am going to be thankful for the ache that my heart feels when I miss someone specific because it means I am still capable of genuine care and love despite the wall I thought I had previously built. I will be thankful for the friends that I have because they are amazing and it means I am doing something right in order to have these people in my life.
None of this means I am fake or putting on a front... there are things in my life right now that I would give up a LOT to change... what this means is that I choose to not let it get the best of me. Things that are meant to be will be. And things that aren't will fade away. Either way...

everything is going to be alright.

Anyone who bought all that should pay me... really... that was a LOT of effort. hahaha.

I'm nauseous. That's good though. Better than bing eating out of depression. :) What an ugly cycle that would be.

... more to come...